


“Why are we at a strip club?”

by Aidaran, StarTravel



Series: Garashir ficlets and drabbles [2]
Category: Star Trek, Star Trek: Deep Space Nine
Genre: Cardassian flirting, Crack, Ficlet, Fluff, Funny, M/M, Oblivious doctors and lizards, Risa - Freeform, literary discussions, not as sexy as the title suggests, prompts from tumblr
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-17
Updated: 2019-06-17
Packaged: 2020-05-13 17:12:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,239
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19255579
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Aidaran/pseuds/Aidaran, https://archiveofourown.org/users/StarTravel/pseuds/StarTravel
Summary: It's raining, and there's only one place open in which to seek shelter, but Julian and Garak don't seem to quite understand what you're supposed to do there...





	“Why are we at a strip club?”

Everybody says Risa has the best climate of the whole galaxy. But from time to time, the weather grid fails. So, in the middle of a dark, cold and stormy night, Julian and Garak are lost, searching for a nice restaurant, or at least any place remotely resembling it.  

They finally find a place with neon lights and Garak insists they can seek refuge there. He all but drags the soaked human inside.

“It’s a strip club, Garak. We can’t eat here.”

Julian’s looks pointedly at Garak, half convinced he chose this spot only because it looked like the night club in his spy holoprogram. 

"I believe they list themselves as a burlesque club, dear. Besides, either way it’s not any different from going to Quark’s. And they have a menu right there in the wall! And look, it's quite cheap too. I don’t see why we can’t eat here, my dear."

“Garak! This is completely different from Quark’s and the Dabo girls.”

"Yes, these men and women are likely paid fair wages." He shrugs and smiles. "And look, it's happy hour too."

Well, Julian can’t really argue with that. After all, he did just help Rom and Leeta plan a strike a few months ago. Still, it’s … it’s not the same. He doesn’t want to watch people flirt with Garak, even if it is part of a dance performance or comedy act or whatever else they might do here. “Yes, but usually at Quark’s I’m with Miles.”

 “You only like to notice attractive people with Miles?”

  “Of course not, but normally we’re playing darts and you’re not there. Look, you can enjoy happy hour here, but I’d really rather not.” He thinks about going out again and trying to find their hotel, but he’s not really sure where they are anymore. 

"There's no point on that. I don't want to drink that much alcohol. Don't be a prude, we don't need to look at anyone if you don't want to, but we've been walking for 2 hours under the rain and this place is warm."

A thunder outside makes them both jump. Clearly Risa wants them to stay in the club.

Julian crosses his arms and huffs in annoyance, because he is not a prude just because he doesn’t want to watch strangers dance with his boyfriend. But he hates the noise and the cold water more, and Garak will complain all night if they try to get somewhere else. 

“Fine, but you have to pay for everything.”

"It's happy hour, so it won't be a problem. Mind if I read a bit? I wanted to check one of your sonnets to discuss it." He takes out a pad and starts reading. In a strip club. Under neon lights. With a Orion dancing at his side, trying desperately to catch his attention.

Julian sighs and checks his bag to see if he has another padd. If Garak is going to read, he might as well too. 

“And I’ll check this poem.”

He wants to apologize to the Orion, they’re doing their best.

A waiter brings the drinks and their food, and Garak starts to discuss the sonnets while he drinks. The orion finally sighs and goes to another table.

Julian gets involved with the argument and starts making more and more hand gestures. 

“Garak, that’s a ridiculous take on Petrarch. His poem isn’t about his mistress, it’s about his own feelings toward her. It’s reflective.”

"He reflects so much he forgets to act." 

Now a very buff romulan is trying to catch their attention. There's a bet going around the performers, trying to see if there's one able to make them stop arguing and look at somebody else.

“Action is something that should take much reflection and introspection. Most of the suffering the characters in your Terran novels undergo stems from a lack of thinking.” Garak huffs as the buff romulan dances behind Julian’s head rather passionately.

"And what about the cardassian characters, then? All they do is suffer and die without achieving anything for themselves." 

A Vulcan comes too and tries to catch Julian's attention, who doesn't quite notice. He all but dances over him.

“Achieve nothing! Are you so blinded by your Federation morals you can’t see the importance of slow growth and change?” Garak snaps in a low voice, completely ignoring the Andorian next to him doing some kind of flirtatious monologue.

"Slow, it certainly is. 300 pages to even make tea!" They send a bolian, thinking maybe she will have more luck. She doesn't. Now there's a full on bet in all the place. All customers are looking at them.

“The point isn’t the tea, it’s the thought process surrounding the making of the tea and what the tea symbolizes!” Garak snaps and Julian rolls his eyes rather dramatically, crossing his arms against his chest.

They send a ferengi. At this point they are willing to try anything.

"The thought process was boring, Garak." He raises an eyebrow and looks at him, knowing he won’t be able to resist that bait.

“Boring? It’s only boring if you’re too intellectually dull to understand the meaning behind the work, and I know, my dear doctor, that you are not!” Garak snaps in a low voice, leaning in so their faces are closer together.

They send a human towards Garak this time. Maybe that’s the secret?

Garak makes a small dismissive gesture to the human when he blocks his view of the doctor.

"Garak, I am intelligent, but also I need to be intellectually stimulated. Certainly reading pages and pages of somebody going in circles doesn't qualify as that." He rolls his eyes and ignores the klingon trying to touch his hair.

The bartender sighs and sends a Cardassian toward Julian. That is their last attempt. Julian is making his point and waves them away with one hand without looking.

“It would if you’d open your mind to why it’s so important for them to go in circles instead of those straight lines leading nowhere your Federation literature so prefers.”

"And yet you said Hamlet is boring." He crosses his arms smuggly, ignoring the crowd around them.

The bartender decides to go himself to see what is wrong with them.

“Excuse me, but are you two playing a joke? Staging some kind of obnoxious intellectual protest? What is going on?”

Suddenly they realize the whole place is silent, and all the performers and customers are looking at them. They catch the sight of latinum exchanging hands.

"Oh, sorry, did we cause all this? Really, we just wanted some food and this place certainly had a cheap menu." Garak flashes him his most charming smile.

Julian blinks a bit owlishly and looks up to find them surrounded by very crossed strippers and being watched. He immediately flushes. 

“Yes, we just wanted a quick dinner. Really, it’s nothing to do with any of you. You’re all lovely, I’m sure.”

The crowd is looking at them too, muttering about the whole incident. Finally the bartender throws his hands up, defeated. He lost the bet. 

"Order whatever you want, the house invites."

“Why thank you, that’s most generous of you.” Garak smiles brightly while Julian looks on perplexed next to him.

"Did we cause all this?" Julian feels everybody looking at them.

“I think we ended up being the main attraction. And we didn’t even have to take our clothes off.”

**Author's Note:**

> Comments are love!


End file.
